Amy's Robot

Just like a big music festival, the Democratic convention featured some lesser acts that didn稚 receive as much media attention. In an effort to bring you the widest DNC coverage possible, Amy痴 Robot is compelled to mention that some of our favorite Texans were also represented in Boston.

Clearly, the most important Texan to speak was The O.C.痴 own Benjamin McKenzie, on Tuesday evening. Ryan痴 support is particularly moving, since the Cohen family will surely lose their tax cut under a Kerry administration � but it痴 a compromise he値l make to ensure that his knocked-up girlfriend and unborn child in Chino can have health insurance. Can anyone argue with such a convincing speaker? Well, maybe one person.

Our favorite second stage moment comes from spicy former Texas Governor Ann Richards, who told it like it is at a DNC event for Emily痴 List:

"You know�for American women in a Republican majority, their president has been like a marriage that's gone from bad to worse. You know the story. The guy has a great line, he's sort of cute, he tells you that life together will be bliss, and then in a few years he's snoring on the couch while the TV blares on the fifth football game of the day and the neighbors are screaming about the yard that never gets mowed, and there's a car up on blocks in the driveway, and your household budget is just stretched to the limit, and he's spending all the money on hunting trips, a new shotgun and a camo jumpsuit, and you're standing there at the sink thinking, 'I must have been out of my mind!' So here we are, almost four years past our shotgun wedding with this White House, and like we say in Texas: Honey, it's time to split the sheets and sign the legal papers."

Go, Texas!

Convention Wrap-Up

Amy's Analysis:
Last night Kerry came back to lead the fold of Democratic fans and wacky, crackpot delegates. I was pleased with his speech, although a misjudgement about travel time back from Brooklyn caused me to miss the first bits. Kerry offered a lot of specifics about his policy proposals: number of troops to add to our armed forces, his exact tax plan, the level of coverage and benefits in his healthcare plan, his education plan involving smaller class sizes and higher pay for teachers. It was a typical liberal speech, but was shot through with so many classic images of patriotism (no red states or blue states, only "red white and blue states") that political commentator David Brooks said it was "almost a Republican speech."

One of the most important things Kerry did in this speech was to creatively take the concept of values back for the Democratic party. Almost everybody I talk to who says they like Bush claims that his "values" appeal to them; although Bush's executive behavior has been antisocial and selfish, the very definition of anti-Christian, he still makes people think he shares their values. It will be much harder for the Republicans to use that word as their own exclusive marketing tool now that Kerry has convincingly blown away the idea of Republican values vs. Democratic values.

I thought it was a very successful speech, especially when Kerry's usually unchanging expression became more elastic and animated toward the end. Political commentators on PBS all liked it too. But I was reminded of the fact that people who don't watch this stuff all the time sometimes respond differently to speeches than journalists do; all the PBS guys loved the Kerry daughters' speeches too, which were very sentimental and scripted and predictable, but sweet. My Brooklyn viewing companion however, who had not been watching the DNC much, had only one thing to say about Vanessa's speech: "This blows." As always, politicians have to remember their audience.

Now the really exhaustive campaigning starts. Here's Kerry and Edwards sharing a triumphantly whooping laugh. Go get 'em, fellas!

Emily's Analysis:
Earlier in the convention, Amy and I were considering a DNC drinking game based on the number of times words like "values", "hope", "trust", and "honor" came up. It's a good thing we didn't follow through, since we'd both be in the hospital now.

Overall, I thought the Kerry/Edwards team did an excellent job of staying on message. By keeping the tone positive (including the relentlessly optimistic Edwards asking if everyone was tired of negative campaigning), it will be much harder for Bush to attack the Democrats without looking like a big war-mongering meanie. It was also a clever manuever to put the more "Republican" type speeches in the prime-time coverage, and give the delegates what they want from the Al Sharptons at times when pretty much only journalists and invested Democrats were watching.

Like Amy said, it's hard to know how the average person who does not compulsively watch CNN will respond to the convention. Will they think the 9/11 references were heavy-handed? Will they think "oh man, enough already about your military service, Kerry - what else do you have for us?" Or was it just what the undecided voter needed?

Congratulations, Democrats - now let's keep that momentum going!

I was driving home a few months ago listening to a segment on "This American Life" about a Jewish immigrant who grew up to become a progressive politician. Following a prostitution scandal (he paid for one with a personal check), he resigned from the Cincinnati city council, only to be re-elected and then elected Mayor at the age of only 33. He went on to run (unsuccessfully) for Governor, and to become an Emmy-winning commentator on social and political issues.

And then he became Jerry Springer.

If you don稚 know Jerry Springer痴 full history (as I didn稚, at the time), the clips of this fiery young politician痴 speeches will shock you. I sat in the parked car until the program was over, and then went inside and wrote a check to NPR.

His story is both inspiring and depressing. How does someone with such convictions make such a cynical decision? Springer clearly is a man with ideals. Political aides who knew him as a politician compare him to Kennedy. Did he become frustrated by politics? Did he realize, as the first incarnation of his show was tanking, that people don稚 want to hear about poverty and health care and social issues, that they want to see trashy, toothless women beating the shit out of each other instead? Does he really feel, as he said, �I used to exploit people, but then I gave up doing the news"?

Now, it痴 looking like Springer might make a more positive choice. He痴 in Boston this week as part of the Ohio delegation. He痴 hinted at running for Governor of Ohio. He has a website supporting local and national Democratic candidates that could easily become his own campaign site.

Springer spends a good deal of time and money campaigning for local Democratic candidates, but can that explain away ten years of peddling televisual sleaze? We致e been hearing a lot this election year about hope, and unity, and moving forward. And maybe those messages are appealing because we're tired of fear and frustration, and we池e tired of being manipulated. Maybe we池e tired of cynical choices. Maybe Jerry Springer is too.

I'm certainly no Springer apologist - I don't agree with the "Make money any way you can to pay for what you really believe in" mentality. I'm just saying, if you have a a few spare minutes sometime listen to this story. (Real Audio). Listen to Springer's speech that closes the segment, about his first view of the Statue of Liberty as a child, and the promise that America represents, and I swear you'll get chills. Would you vote for this man for Governor? I think maybe I would.

The LA Times reports on a disturbing and growing trend in public education: kids are being intentionally held back a grade by their parents, so they will be better high school athletes. The rationale is that if students are a little older and a little bigger than the other kids in their grade, they'll have a better chance of playing varsity sports for four years, and a better chance at getting a college scholarship. One administrator who oversees sports in Texas public schools says, "There was almost an entire class of youngsters held back in one of our schools. All the kids repeated seventh grade. It was a collective decision on the part of the parents. They just sort of decided together."

Not only does this practice encourage unfair advantages in sports, it also wastes a year of children's lives, disrupts their social development, and most of all, sends the message that academic achievement should be sacrificed for a chance at being a successful athlete. The kids interviewed in the article complain about being bored in a year of school that they had no academic reason to repeat. And, of course, the kids who are held back don't all end up winning athletic scholarships. Their parents might be misjudging the likelihood of winning a sports scholarship, and may stand a better chance by encouraging their kids to excel in school. "You run into this whole issue of, 'My kid's going to get a college scholarship,' and if he can't play varsity right away, he won't go to college," said Dan Gould, the new director at Michigan State's youth sports institute. "Statistically, you're better off sending him to the library five hours a night. When you look at the number of academic scholarships, your kid has a much better shot."

One family studied in the article has held back all of their children, either in sixth grade or in kindergarten, and they all went on to be big sports stars in high school or college. Their father says, "Even in third grade, my kids were a little older, a little bigger, a little more mature... We thought it was important for our kids to be leaders instead of followers." Of course, this only works if you're the only one holding your kids back. If kids really do perform better as slightly older students, and if this phenomenon leads to an education policy change in which kindergarten starts at six instead of five for everybody, that's great. Otherwise this is unfair competition and use of public resources, and sends the message to students that they can't succeed on their own merit among kids their own age.

Emily's Day 3 Highlight

Even a hardcore reporting team like Amy痴 Robot can have a rough time focusing after three consecutive nights of political speeches. At this point, we're just as glad that we were denied press credentials. After all, I bet those bloggers at the Fleet Center aren't using picture-in-picture to simultaneously watch Amish in the City!

Now, we love us some John Edwards and the whole Edwards clan, but when it comes to our pick for Day 3 Highlight nobody gets a crowd on its feet like the Reverend Al. Despite the careful vetting process all speakers have gone through, the Reverend pulled a little bait-and-switch with his approved speech and what he actually said.

The Democrats are trying to present a positive image � no Bush-bashing, no blaming. But Reverend Al had a few things to say about President Bush痴 sleazy politicking at the Urban League last week. (Bush asked whether the Democrats had really served the black community well, among other things):

鏑ast Friday, I had the experience in Detroit of hearing President George Bush make a speech. And in the speech, he asked certain questions. I hope he's watching tonight. I would like to answer your questions, Mr. President�

� Did the Democratic Party take us for granted?�You said the Republican Party was the party of Lincoln and Frederick Douglass. It is true that Mr. Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation, after which there was a commitment to give 40 acres and a mule� We never got the 40 acres. We went all the way to Herbert Hoover, and we never got the 40 acres.

We didn't get the mule. So we decided we'd ride this donkey as far as it would take us.

Mr. President, you said would we have more leverage if both parties got our votes, but we didn't come this far playing political games. It was those that earned our vote that got our vote. We got the Civil Rights Act under a Democrat. We got the Voting Rights Act under a Democrat. We got the right to organize under Democrats.

Mr. President, the reason we are fighting so hard, the reason we took Florida so seriously, is our right to vote wasn't gained because of our age. Our vote was soaked in the blood of martyrs, soaked in the blood of good men, soaked in the blood of four little girls in Birmingham. This vote is sacred to us.

This vote can't be bargained away. This vote can't be given away.

Mr. President, in all due respect, Mr. President, read my lips: Our vote is not for sale."

Congratulations to the sassy Reverend Al Sharpton, for being named the Amy痴 Robot Day 3 Highlight of the Democratic National Convention!

Amy's Day 3 Overview:

It's a good thing Emily had the fortitude to watch last night's convention activities, so she could document the fiery and rousing Rev. Al Sharpton. Other commitments kept me from seeing much other than Edwards' speech. Which was great on domestic issues, uniting rather than dividing, racial and economic inequality, etc. But he also included a few phrases about important and complex issues that he seemed to toss off as throwaway lines, like this one: "A new president will bring the world to our side, and with it預 stable Iraq and a real chance for peace and freedom in the Middle East, including a safe and secure Israel." Then straight into something about keeping nuclear weapons away from terrorists. Sure, he said some meaningful stuff about how to handle Iraq, but to say "a safe and secure Israel" as almost a parenthetical aside sounds too casual.

And so in place of analysis, I bring you a photo of Edwards and John Cougar Mellencamp sharing a tender moment.

Emily's Day 2 Highlight:

Day 2 of the Convention was a bit more low-key than the first, with many of the same themes we've heard so far: the John Adams/John Kennedy/John Kerry comparison, unity (as Ted Kennedy so succinctly put it, "We need a unitah, not a dividah"), responsibility, and hope.

It also brought up a question on many citizens' minds: who comes up with each speaker's intro music? I've noticed over the past two days that while some choices are obvious, others are....well, let me offer these examples:

Jimmy Carter, "Georgia on my Mind"
Hillary Rodham Clinton, "New York State of Mind"
Richard Gephardt, "Kansas City"
Tom Daschle, "Mr. Big Stuff"

Many speakers also highlighted the idea of the American Dream, most notably about-to-be-Senator Barack Obama, whose father was Kenyan, and Teresa Heinz Kerry, who grew up in East Africa. Despite usually energetic and powerful speakers such as Heinz-Kerry, Ted Kennedy, and a strangely subdued Howard Dean, we have chosen Obama's speech as the Day 2 Highlight. His keynote address was succinct, powerful, and reminded us that part of living the American Dream is taking responsibility for our country:

"John Kerry believes in America. And he knows that it's not enough for just some of us to prosper. For alongside our famous individualism, there's another ingredient in the American saga, a belief that we are all connected as one people. If there’s a child on the south side of Chicago who can’t read, that matters to me, even if it’s not my child. If there’s a senior citizen somewhere who can’t pay for her prescription and has to choose between medicine and the rent, that makes my life poorer, even if it’s not my grandmother. If there’s an Arab American family being rounded up without benefit of an attorney or due process, that threatens my civil liberties. It’s that fundamental belief—I am my brother’s keeper, I am my sisters’ keeper—that makes this country work."

And he ended on a particularly rousing note, that there is a place in America for everyone:

"John Kerry calls on us to hope. John Edwards calls on us to hope. I’m not talking about blind optimism here—the almost willful ignorance that thinks unemployment will go away if we just don’t talk about it, or the health care crisis will solve itself if we just ignore it. No, I’m talking about something more substantial. It’s the hope of slaves sitting around a fire singing freedom songs; the hope of immigrants setting out for distant shores; the hope of a young naval lieutenant bravely patrolling the Mekong Delta; the hope of a millworker’s son who dares to defy the odds; the hope of a skinny kid with a funny name who believes that America has a place for him, too."

Full transcript here.

Congratulations Barack Obama, on being selected Amy's Robot Highlight of Day 2!

Amy's Day 2 Overview:

Much of last night's installment of the DNC was a real test of political will. About 90 seconds into Ted Kennedy's speech about how totally freaking patriotic and American the city of Boston is, I reverted to my 17 year-old self and thought "I wish I was into politics, but it's all just so boring. And I have lots of Siouxsie and the Banshees tapes to listen to instead." Teddy, you're a wonderful Senator, but you and all 8 of your great-grandparents who walked up those damn Golden Steps on their way from Ireland into America, suck the living soul right out of political involvement when you give one of your plodding speeches.

But the big news is Barack Obama, our new national crush. On the PBS commentary after his speech, Richard Norton Smith called him "transcendent." Delegates were crying. Even some of the delegates in giant comedy Uncle Sam hats covered with red white and blue sequins were crying. The New York Times is smitten. My own father answered the phone when I called for a post-speech reaction saying, "Did you hear that amazing speech?!" I hope the network failure to cover last night's events didn't keep you all from seeing Obama--he was magnificent. Here's some further background on his life and career from the News Hour on PBS.

Then after the speech, some people talked about how they think he could be the first black President. David Brooks said how much he liked him, then compared him to Tiger Woods. Then I smacked myself on the forehead. Didn't Barack Obama just say that his father is from Kenya and his mother is a white woman from Kansas? Doesn't that make him no more "black" than he is "white"? Especially since he was raised almost entirely by his mother? Why not also compare him to Halle Berry, David? I know, I know, race is defined not only by your actual family background by also by the way the world responds to you and classifies you. If people look at Barack Obama and think he's black and react to him accordingly, then he's black. Except that he's also white. Robert Rodriguez has been talking and writing about this stuff for years now, OK? Sometimes, we cannot be classified and accurately described by a single racial identity. Calling Barack Obama "black" is just not the whole story, and it might make his mom mad.

The good news is that there is still no Republican opponent facing Obama for the seat in the U.S. Senate (even Mike Ditka wouldn't run against him,) and now the whole world loves him so fiercely that he's almost certain to win the November election. Thank you, Jack Ryan, for being such a sleazeball with Seven of Nine.

Although Amy痴 Robot was not one of the blogs given press credentials at the Democratic National Convention, thanks to the magic of cable news that won稚 stop us from commenting on the happenings over at the Fleet Center. And as Amy noted, we don't even have to make out with Wolf Blitzer to get good seats on the floor.

Emily's Highlight of the Night:

Amy will give her impression of Bill Clinton's prime time speech below. Even the Post couldn稚 think of any sharper dig than that he値l prove a hard act for Kerry to follow. I値l say - looking at the open-mouthed, teary young delegates one would think they were watching a Backstreet Boys concert or a Chris Heinz striptease rather than our former president.

But as the Day 1 highlight, I知 linking to the most powerful, effective speech of the night � Jimmy Carter痴. It brought me to tears, people. It was sharply critical, hopeful, and called for the unity not just of the American people, but also of the world. It made me shake my fist in the air. And he almost, but not quite, called our current president a terrorist. Anyway, he said it better than me. Go ahead, read it.

Amy's Day 1 Overview:

Al Gore: Nice sublimation of all his anger and frustration that he has managed to positively redirect, probably through extensive Zen meditation and therapy. I don't know who his image coach is these days, but his speech was more exciting and engaging than just about anything he did 4 years ago. Maybe Naomi Wolf did more harm than good.

Jimmy Carter: Good move using Jimmy Carter, probably the most unassailable figure in the Democratic Party. He's an elder statesman, he's a Nobel Peace Prize winner, he's a Navy veteran, he's a Christian, he's from Georgia, and he's a Democrat. It's hard for anyone to take issue with him and his views. He says things like this, "And so I say to you and to others around the world, whether they wish us well or ill: do not underestimate us Americans. We lack neither strength nor wisdom," and everybody loves him. He also issued direct criticism of the Bush administration that was harsher than what anybody else could get away with. And then, he talked with Jim Lehrer up in the PBS box, and spoke beautifully. He even got the normally stern conservative commentator David Brooks to get all giddy when asking him questions about Islamic extremism. Pretty good for an 80 year-old man.

Bill Clinton: And then everybody fell over and died for Bill Clinton, again. I imagined millions of Americans, especially in the midwest and south, saying to themselves, "So that's why my parents were Democrats." Clinton reminded everybody what the party was all about. He used a lot of specific examples of policy differences and the way they play out in people's lives, and presented some of the most sensible and moral reasoning for voting Democrat that I've heard. He looked good too: Mark Shields commented that he looked younger than he did at the 1996 re-election convention.

Tonight, PBS will air all the speeches, but the other networks are going back to their regular summer rerun programming. (Of course, last night Fox didn't even offer the one hour of coverage that the other networks did.) Howard Dean speaks tonight, as do Janet Napolitano, Ron Reagan and Barack Obama, an Illinois State Senator who's running for U.S. Senate. Also speaking tonight is Teresa Heinz Kerry; people predict her speech to be a little strange, and I predict that she will start cackling at least twice.

Here's a picture of delegates playing air guitar on their Kerry/Edwards signs.

If the crowds at the AMC Empire 25 theater in New York were an accurate representation of the rest of the country's excitement about The Bourne Supremacy, then most of you probably either saw it this weekend, or got shut out of a sold-out show. I sincerely hope that most of you did not, however, consume a whole lot of the infernal beverage Sparks "alcohol energy drink" before you went to your screenings: the ingenous combination of caffeine and malt liquor was almost enough to make me puke.

Wait. What I meant to say is: the ingenous combination of caffeine and malt liquor and the nonstop jumping-jacks and interpretive dance routine the Bourne Supremacy cameraman was doing while shooting the entire movie was almost enough to make me puke.

Director Paul Greengrass probably has a lot of pissed off fight choreographers, makeup artists, and set designers on his hands, considering that all their hard work and careful planning was almost for nothing. So many key scenes in the movie were difficult to appreciate because of the inability to focus one's eyes on any fixed object--the camera jerked and shimmied all over the place for what were probably the best scenes. The inventive fight scene in Munich? Very cool. Also very blurry and nauseating. The car chase in Moscow? Awesome. But probably would have been better if I had been able to watch it without inducing an epileptic seizure.

My guess is that an insecure director would too easily decide that just by hurling the camera all over the place, he can make a scene more kinetic and thrilling. Why bother to set up a good shot in a really cool location when it will just look like a blurry mess to your increasingly swirly-eyed audience? The Bourne Supremacy is a fine movie, though maybe a little lacking in the identity and self-discovery issues that made the first one so good--I think this is because there was no Marie character to react to Jason as he tries to determine whether or not he is a killer at heart for most of the film. The supporting cast is also great, and I liked the terse Poor Man's Colin Farrell (tm Agent 0019) as the Russian hitman Kirill. Just be sure your stomach is well settled before you go to the theater.

For 37 consecutive shows (and over $1.2 million in winnings) Jeopardy! has been held captive by a terrifying trivia machine named Ken Jennings. He has rocketed through every category he’s come across – geography, history, politics, cat anatomy, obscure Volkswagen parts. He wears a carefully blank expression, with just a hint of a smile, and sometimes adds a little flair to his answers. But he is almost never wrong, and by Final Jeopardy, no other contestant even stands a chance.

Jeopardy! writers are flailing around to find any weakness they can. “Dammit, is there anything this guy doesn’t freakin’ know?” they probably scream at each other in scotch- and cigar-fueled meetings, green visors pushed low over their sweating brows. They’ve aimed at Ken’s clean Mormon living with categories like “How ‘bout a Drink?” (he only missed one, the Brandy Alexander) and “Are you a Betting Man?” They even tried “Drugs in Movies” – but Ken didn’t hesitate a moment before buzzing in with “What is Scarface?”

Then something very interesting happened last night during Double Jeopardy, in the category of “Sentimental Rock”:

Answer: Bad English sang "When I See You Smile"; it was this group that had the hit "Feel Like Makin' Love”

Have you ever seen the light go out in someone’s eyes? Suddenly, Ken’s trademark grin was gone, replaced by an expression that clearly said “….ohshit.”

Amazingly, Ken didn’t know Bad Company. He also didn’t know Foreigner or Whitesnake. He could not name one of REO Speedwagon’s two hits. The entire category was a wash.

It took over a month and a million dollars, but could it be we’ve finally found Ken’s weakness? Tonight is his last appearance before Jeopardy! goes on hiatus until the fall, and it will be interesting to see if categories like “1980’s Power Ballads”, “Hair Bands”, and “Steve Perry Lyrics” come up.

By a strange, Cliff Claven-like coincidence, these are the exact categories that have more than once led Amy’s Robot to victory at bar trivia night. Could it be the ‘bot that will finally bring Ken Jennings down? Excuse me, but I’m off to buy my ticket to L.A.!

Our old friend Denis Leary has a new show that you've almost definitely heard about: Rescue Me on FX (flash site). The show is getting a lot of attention by the same critics who loved his last show, The Job, which ABC ran into the ground after only 19 episodes. The Job was one of our very favorite shows, so we're excited to see Denis back with co-creator Peter Tolan for another show that explores almost exactly the same themes through similar people, but with a totally different result.

Leary and Tolan originally conceived of the show as a movie, but had faith in FX to give them the kind of latitude they wanted; for example, they can say "shit" a whole lot, and suggest some graphic violence and the kinds of horrible injuries that are related to major fires. The setting of the show is much like that of The Job. Denis Leary's character, Tommy Gavin, is similar to the Mike McNeil character: a bitter Irish-American whose life is his work (as a firefighter or a detective), has a failing marriage, and is at some stage of dealing with a drinking problem. The characters in both shows are emotionally unavailable to their families, in this case because of the incredible demands of being a firefighter. Themes similar to those in The Job are coming later in the season, like suspicions around the job that some of the guys are gay.

The styles of the two shows are almost identical, and the sardonic, dark comedy is common to both. The characters in The Job were sharp, caustic guys whose problems were mainly the source material for jokes, but the firefighters in Rescue Me are a whole different story. The devastation of September 11 on top of their already terrifying and often deadly day-to-day lives has left a lot of them shell-shocked and barely able to function. Rather than go crazy or quit, many of them drink, destroy their relationships, or cry while writing eulogistic poetry. It's like M*A*S*H, but with funnier jokes, more swearing, and deeper emotional scars.

Since this show is part of a very small family of high quality shows, it might have a chance of survival. The FX site lists 13 upcoming episodes, and our other old pal Lenny Clarke is coming on the show soon. My only regret is that The Job wasn't picked up by a cable network in the first place; if they had gotten away with some of the dirtier jokes that the censors at ABC didn't pass, that show would have been unstoppably funny.

Here's a link to the Executive Summary of the report (pdf, 31 pages) and here's the report in its entirety (pdf, an impressive and daunting 585 pages.)

In its article announcing the release, the Times ends with yet another comparison of this commission to the Warren Commission, and their attempts to avoid that commission's many failings. The main thrust of the discussion is: let's just hope this report doesn't turn out to be a hastily-assembled piece of junk that ignored key information, like that one was. Is everybody this cynical about the value of this report? It would appear that they are. - Amy

Despite a NY Times puff piece on the cultural importance of a black woman headlining a major action film, reviewers agree that Catwoman is a stinker. It's hardly a surprise, and also pretty clear that our friends at the Post ("Kitty Litter") and the NY Daily News ("Bad Kitty") are right at this moment giggling to themselves over their own cleverness (Also widely used are phrases such as "littering the screen" "not the cat's meow", "not to get catty", etc.)

Even A.O. Scott admits that the movie made him "think back fondly on Garfield."

Sorry, Halle. You sure look cute in a leather pantsuit, but sometimes even throwing dignity to the wind isn't enough. In related news, MSNBC's Paige Newman asks "What happened to Halle Berry?" And in other related news, Amy's Robot asks, "What the hell happened to Sharon Stone?" -Emily

Kiefer Sutherland is our collective husband here at the Robot, and we are so proud of his latest drunken stunt: going into the Raetihi Cosmopolitan Club in New Zealand, where the Men of Steel male revue was performing, and taking the stage for his own performance. Apparently the Men of Steel DJs have fairly rigid standards in the music that accompanies the dancers, because Kiefer's arty and probably misguided request for "Stairway to Heaven" was rejected in favor of the more conventional "You Can Leave Your Hat On."

The article also references other occassions in which Kiefer has gotten naked lately, and reveals that he is a terrible pool player. Kiefer was in New Zealand filming a movie called River Queen.

[tx Em, and Newyorkish.]

All of New York's hipsterati, including Amy's Robot, turned out last night for the star-studded opening of the long-awaited Brooklyn Target. Those living outside the city may not think this a newsworthy event, but when you have limited access to stores where one can buy a cute top, an economy sized box of cereal, and stylish trashcans all at one time (and for under $10 total) -- well, let's just say New Yorkers are pretty damn excited. We've already heard of people planning pre-shopping Target Brunches for this Sunday, when the store officially opens.

But on to the party! Besides luminaries from the 'bot, who was there?

• Isaac Mizrahi
  
• Chloe Sevigny (whose brother, Paul, was the dj)
  
• A presumably intoxicated Sandra Bernhardt [pic]
  
• Freaks from Coney Island
  
• and just to prove how high profile this event was:
  Lizzie Grubman [pic]
  

That is, until the DSW opens across the mall.

For maximum relevance, I should have posted this a few days ago, but I didn't want you to entirely miss out on a round of

This celebrity is pictured before rising to stardom. To play the game, first try to determine the identity of the celebrity below. Then simply click on the photo below to see if you're right. I apologize for the quality of the photo, which was hurriedly scanned from People magazine.

Still trying to decide if you're going to vote or not this year? Secretly believe that your vote is meaningless, like Matt Damon did? Think our two-party system is hopelessly limited and unrepresentative of your beliefs? Well, now there's an undeniable reason to do your civic duty: celebrities are telling you to.

No longer content to merely get rich by singing other people's lyrics or kickboxing in front of a blue screen, America's celebrities now want to influence our political lives as well. Puffy has launched his voter drive organization Citizen Change, and says of himself and his celebrity brethren, "Now we are going to make voting cool. We are the true leaders of today." Drew Barrymore suggests in her essay in Jane magazine that before she started voting, she was "complacent, ignorant and helpless." Russell Simmons' Hip-Hop Summit Action Network has registered a lot of voters at recent concerts by Beyoncé, Eminem, Will Smith, Jay-Z, Alicia Keys and Snoop Dogg.

As far as these celebrities are concerned, the most important people on the planet are the teenagers who spend their allowances on buying their records or seeing their movies. Getting these kids registered to vote, at least the ones that are actually 18, is a wonderful thing for American political participation. I am concerned, however, that regular, non-teenage people in middle America who watch Entertainment Tonight from time to time, and see Mariah Carey and Avril Lavigne screaming "Vote or Die!" and how "voting is cool!" just might be turned off by it. There are a lot of young people out there whose votes will be important this election, but there are also a lot of retired typists in Missouri who might not be inspired to exercise their civic freedoms just because Puff Daddy and Jon Bon Jovi tell them to. Perhaps older Americans also need the celebrities they admire to give them some encouragement. John Goodman and Emmylou Harris, are you available? - Amy

There is still hope for happiness in the world, even if you let the terrorists win. Just look at these happy Filipinos! Americans only seem to look this happy if they are celebrities having psychotropic experiences in dance clubs.

Some news today on the state of capital punishment in our morally upstanding country. The issues at hand are:

1) can we kill a criminal even if there is evidence that might lead to his acquittal via DNA testing? and

2) can we kill 16 year-olds?

Right now, the answers are Yes and Yes.

The state of Georgia has decided to go ahead with tonight's execution of Eddie Crawford, who was convicted of killing his 2 year-old niece 20 years ago. The lawyer who presented the case to the Georgia Supreme Court and state parole board is Barry Scheck of the Innocence Project, an organization that has helped overturn many convictions through DNA testing. He thinks this is the first time a death row inmate has been denied DNA testing after every possible appeal was made. The Supreme Court says that there is "overwhelming evidence" against Crawford, although several samples of blood and hair have not been DNA tested. Crawford himself is an alcoholic who blacks out a lot, and he appears to have attempted to have sex with the victim's mother the night of the murder. However, check out the list of the other potential suspects in the murder: "the victim's great-uncle, who lived in the house next door, was being investigated for possible molestation of his daughter and stepdaughter, according to the brief. Across the street lived a convicted killer who was also under investigation for child molesting. The ex-husband of the niece's mother had a history of violent altercations with her and might have just discovered that the girl was not his biological child." Oh well, sorry Eddie.

Also today, diplomats, the EU, Canada, Mexico, the American Medical Association, the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops, and Jimmy Carter all lobbied the Supreme Court to end capital punishment for killers who commited their crimes before age 18. There are currently 19 states that allow 16 or 17 year-olds to be executed. The four consistently liberal Supreme Court judges have already gone on record calling the execution of underage criminals "shameful," and it's easy to see why. Here are the other countries, besides the U.S., that have executed minors over the last four years: Congo, China, Iran, and Pakistan. Not exactly the kinds of countries we like to identify with in our human rights practices. Also, the United States executed more minors than the rest of the world combined between 1990 and 2003. The Supreme Court plans to examine underage executions this fall.

See this page for statistics on the states that allow executions of juveniles, and the states that have actually executed juveniles since 1973. You have one guess at which state has done the most.

Here are our photos of the event. (Including the money shot.)

Bacanovic, by the way, received roughly the same sentence as Martha, but with a smaller fine.

What if a high-profile documentarian makes a movie skewering the current administration?

Victoria Weaver of Nashville, says she "didn't want to come and see this, but I thought for educational purposes, I should." Weaver, 42, a meeting planner, says she still intends to vote for Bush.

- USA Today, July 5, 2004

What if you decline to speak at a major conference for a specific block of voters, such as the NAACP?

"Before this, I was going to vote for Kerry….Now I'm going to work for Kerry”

- New York Times, July 14, 2004

What if you pick a handsome, down-home, Vice-Presidential candidate?

I have some reservations about both Bush and Kerry, but I was going to vote for John Kerry anyway…"

“I like John Edwards and suppose I might have voted for Edwards as president, but never for Kerry…..So I'm going to vote for Bush again."

"I'm so excited that John Edwards is running with Kerry…I was planning to vote for Kerry, but I was not very enthusiastic about him.”

- New York Times, July 8, 2004

If Americans have already decided, what’s a candidate to do? Obviously, get more voters. In the last few weeks, I’ve seen voter registration drives at my office, on my streetcorner, and in the subway on my way to work. And grassroots groups like MoveOn.org and America Coming Together aren’t the only ones on the job: you can also register through the WWE (“Smackdown your Vote”) and your local strip club.

Then you just have to get all those folks to show up in November.

Last night, the majority of the staff of Amy's Robot headed down to Madison Square Garden for some of the FunkyPurpleLove that only Prince (and special guest stars Morris Day and the tremendously hot Sheila E.) can provide. And as an added triumph, we are proud to say we had better seats than Puffy.

I've been a bit down on the stadium rock concert recently, perhaps having been burned one too many times by the overproduced, lipsynched, costume-focused dramas inflicted upon us by your Britneys and even - yes - your Madonnas. One of our companions, who saw Madonna earlier this summer, was blown away by the difference between the two shows. Overall, she said, Madonna just wasn't....fun.

Prince, on the other hand, brings nothing but energy and joy to his show. He plays with the audience, he teases, he dances, he freaks out on the guitar. And the audience gives it all back. It was a truly great night.

Thank you Prince, for an awesome night. And thank you for being just as funky now as when we were 11. -Emily

As a tangential follow-up to our recent debate about the Worst Song Ever, singer Chris de Burgh, who brought the world the much-reviled "Lady In Red" has spent a heap of cash bidding on the alien that bursts out of John Hurt's abdomen in Alien. After the sale de Burgh said: "I bought it because I believed it was a defining moment in cinema history for its sheer horror." The creator of one horror was irresistably drawn to another, it seems.

At last, the marriage of two favorite topics on Amy's Robot - politics and tv!

The NY Times announces the prime time lineup for the Democratic and Republican conventions. This election year, each party will get only three hours of prime time coverage, one hour for each night of their convention (10:00 pm to 11:00 pm).

So how are our politicians going to make those precious hours count? Here is an episode guide:

Democrats:
Monday, July 26: Bill Clinton
Tuesday: The O.C., no convention coverage
Wednesday, July 28: John Edwards
Thursday, July 29: John Kerry

Republicans:
Tuesday, August 30: Arnold Schwarzenegger
Wednesday, August 31: Dick Cheney
Thursday, September 1: George W. Bush

Of course, your favorite cable news stations will be carrying all the convention you can handle, including family drama worthy of an E! True Hollywood Story. The Republicans are hauling out a tribute to Ronald Reagan, although Ron Reagan Jr. is addressing the Democrats. And California's first lady will attend the Democratic convention to see Uncle Ted honored, even though her husband stole the big-name special guest star spot away from contenders like Rudy Giuliani (curious, considering the Bush camp's love of 9/11 imagery) and John McCain.

It's a Political Sweeps Week so exciting, you may not even mind missing Law & Order: SVU!

Is it just me, or have George Clooney and the cast of Ocean's 12 been partying like wild animals for the last year and a half? Almost every day, the gossip sites talk about the throngs of fans surrounding Clooney's Lake Como villa, the priest who tried to fend them off, and the stars jetting off to Monaco to party with Grand Prix racers. The weekly celebrity news tabloids have been running photo spreads of wild celebrity-infested yacht parties and general debauchery.

Well, last month the cast and crew had their final blowout at the wrap party, which was so hotly anticipated that it was apparently held the day before the final scenes were even shot. The party cost almost half a million dollars, and here's what WENN reports was consumed: "the party-goers drank their way through 700 bottles of Jack Daniels, 650 bottles of Courvoisier cognac, 2,000 magnums of Krug champagne and dozens of local Italian spirits."

That's over 3,000 bottles of liquor. I believe every word!

Interesting but depressing piece in the LA Times about one of the acquitted cops from the Rodney King beating case. Two of the officers involved were convicted in a federal civil rights trial, but the other two were found innocent in both criminal and civil rights court. One of these is Timothy Wind. Wind is legally innocent, but the devasting series of defeats in his post-beating life suggests that he is still somehow paying for his sins.

After the riots, and after remaining in the LA area for an unbelievable 9 years, he and his family moved to Indiana. He went to law school in Indianapolis, where some of the other students questioned why he was admitted. He was rejected for an internship working for Indianapolis' prosecuting attorney. He's yet to take the bar exam, but it would be hard to see how any district attorney's office could hire him without being asked a lot of questions by the public, once they find out who he is. Nevertheless, Wind is determined to continue his career in law enforcement.

Wind has reportedly "lost his motivation to build a new life," he has stomach ulcers, his wife got laid off from her job, they had three miscarriages, and his former Police Academy instructor describes him as being "emotionally disfigured." Dude, it might be better if you just get a job in marketing or real estate or something, and try to get over it. Instead, Wind is still unrepentant about the King beating, and claims he and the other officers were using their training. Apparently, the juries agreed: the two officers charged with civil rights violation served 30 months in prison, but the biggest punishment was given to the city of Los Angeles, which paid $3.8 million to Rodney King.

And whatever became of Rodney? You probably would rather not know. The article states, "King consumed most of his $3.8 million judgment in an attempt at starting a rap record label. He has been arrested repeatedly on charges of domestic violence, drug use and drunken driving."

After last week's warning of imminent terror threats, New Yorkers are really stepping up to the plate, determined to protect their city through the time-honored tradition of beating the shit out of people wearing turbans.

Potential suicide bomber, or just some middle-aged guy on his way to dinner in Queens? Better safe than sorry, I say!

In what isn't the greatest new trend, we offer another admission of fault for a previous blog entry. I saw Anchorman over the weekend, and while it doesn't have the joke success rate of a Bottle Rocket or a Rushmore (two other movies that feature Luke Wilson,) it does include several scenes that are genuinely funny. I'd put it at about a Legally Blonde, and a step or two above Old School. Perhaps in the future, we will consider ranking movies exclusively in terms of movies that Luke Wilson appears in, with The Royal Tenenbaums at one end of the ranking system, and Home Fries at the other.

Does that headline make you wince, or at least clench your teeth uneasily? I'll bet it does. I will always appreciate Will Ferrell's skills as Alex Trebek on SNL's Celebrity Jeopardy, and his stint as the cowbell player in the Blue Oyster Cult's Behind the Music SNL sketch, but I'm unconvinced by his film career. OK, except for Elf, which was delightful and funny, but really, Bob Newhart had all the best lines.

So today Anchorman - The Legend of Ron Burgundy comes out. Ebert manages to write a review claiming the movie is funny, while demonstrating that it is in fact not funny, unless you work in news media. The supporting cast, including Paul Rudd, Steve Carell, and our beloved Fred Willard should save this movie, but the Times review suggests otherwise: "Ron's news team, filmed in slow motion and decked out in hideous striped ties and heavy sideburns, recall the Beastie Boys' "Sabotage" video and other mid-90's parodies of the 70's more than anything from the actual era itself. There is a dumb weather guy named Brick (Steve Carell), an emotionally volatile sportscaster named Champ (David Koechner), and a tightly wound investigative reporter named Brian Fantana (Paul Rudd). They are supervised by Fred Willard, who lets them all mug and bluster with the serene detachment of a man who has done it all better before, and who has nothing left to prove."

You know Will Ferrell really needs? A strong director. That's why Elf was a good movie, because Jon Favreau knows how to make a scene work without relying solely on Will Ferrell hogging the camera and being hyper. Anchorman's director is Adam McKay, head SNL writer from 1997-2001, and this is his first movie. So work your comedy magic, Will, but I think I'll sit this one out.

...and for all you blog purists, a more traditional game of

This star has joined a new much-hyped TV show. Try to guess who it is, then click on the photo to see if you are right.

Today, we bring you a new twist on the game beloved by Amy's Robot readers across the globe

As I'm sure you remember, Who'dat?™ supplies you with a photograph of a celebrity in which the celebrity is more challenging to identify than you might expect. In this special edition, the celebrity is pictured before rising to stardom, rather than the folks in their infomercial host phase that we generally use.

To play the game, first try to determine the identity of the celebrity below. Then simply click on the photo below to see if you're right.

It virtually never happens, but when I知 wrong, I say I知 wrong.

A few weeks ago, I predicted that Vh1 was about to unleash the greatest hour of television ever � the Guns N� Roses Behind the Music.

My friends, I started to suspect something was amiss when the original air date was pushed back from June 16 to June 30, and then again to July 5. 鏑egal trouble?� I thought. 撤erhaps Axl agreed to be interviewed and then pulled out? Maybe they池e waiting for clearance from Vh1 Legal?�

On Monday, my worst fears were confirmed. In addition to Axl, bassist Duff McKagan declined to participate. The episode was a retread of information that anyone who痴 ever flipped through a Rolling Stone at the airport knows, told from the perspective of Slash, original drummer Steve Adler, and various personalities and producers. They were wild! The drugs were out of control! Axl痴 unpredictable!

As if that isn稚 bad enough, Vh1 further insults us by claiming that Axl痴 mythological "Chinese Democracy" album, in production for almost eight years, will be released this November.

The thrill of Behind the Music is watching artists who are a little older, and occasionally a little wiser, reflect on their wild ride through the fame machine. I was willing to believe that the GN坦 episode wasn稚 produced earlier because the producers were determined to do it right, to show every side of the crazy story of one of the most captivating bands in rock. Instead, we got a bland PR piece reminding us that Slash has a new band.

Next time, Vh1, don稚 promise what you can稚 deliver.

A lot of catfighting these days between the City, the firefighters, and the police department. First, (now-)retired NYPD lieutenant Vic Hollifield called New York's firefighters "amateurs at work" on ABC's summer documentary series NYPD 24/7. Then the Uniformed Firefighters Association took out full page ads in all the New York papers yesterday protesting his comments, and criticized the NYPD for allowing the comment to air on national tv. Today, Bloomberg calls these ads "over the top" and politically-driven and doesn't think Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly should have to apologize for the comment. The Post has further quotes from Hollifield expressing surprise at the reaction to his comment on the TV show, and admiration for the FDNY, but no apology.

There are some signs of cooperation though, especially in preparation for the RNC next month. Firefighters, cops, and teachers' unions are all planning to picket Madison Square Garden beginning July 19, when convention organizers get control of the area. In preparation, the Uniformed Firefighters Association took out another big ad, this time in the Washington Post (pdf here) outlining demands for higher pay for cops and firefighters. It's going to be a dramatic summer in this town. -Amy

This project has a lot of potential, but the potential will only be met if people contribute. So please head over and write an article or two.

A wiki, by the way, is a generic term for a site that is authored and edited by a community of people. In most cases, any member of the community has the right to edit anyone else's work. The most ambitious and prominent wiki is Wikipedia, an encyclopedia of everything.

Today痴 print edition of the New York Times carried a very exciting full-page advertisement for the 敵reat Summer Read� Program. Starting July 12, the Times will serialize a book a week for four weeks as an in-paper giveaway: The Great Gatsby, Breakfast at Tiffany痴, Like Water for Chocolate, and The Color of Water.

展hat better way to bring our diverse city together than by offering readers the opportunity to 'gather' around a great book," said Alyse Myers, Times vice president of marketing services. "As a newspaper, we are a natural advocate for fostering literacy and a passion for reading. To advance these causes, we decided to revive the old tradition of serializing books and to offer them free, with the daily newspaper -- for the whole city to enjoy."

Free books! It sounds too good to be true! Well, that's kind of because it is. Only the first chapter of each novel will be available online; otherwise the insert is available only to those who buy the print edition. And, since the serial runs seven consecutive days, folks who may perhaps have a weekday-only subscription (ahem) will need to shell out for both weekend papers to find out who comes to Gatsby痴 funeral.

Altruism? Community service? It seems more to me like the circulation department finally realized that people are reading the Sunday magazine on their monitors instead of curled up on the couch. Now, I love reading my hard copy during the week, but a girl on a budget can稚 be expected to pay those Sunday prices week after week. By the time you buy seven issues, you致e spent around $10 on a book you could pick up used for $1 on any street corner.

While I知 at it, let me get my two cents in about these book selections. Overall, I applaud the idea of serializing classics both old and new, but�

People. I'm with you on three out of four, but if you wanted a novel by a Latina, why didn稚 you just ask me? Like Water for Chocolate is a lovely book, but the other three all deal with different lives in different periods of New York's history. How about How the Garcia Girls Lost their Accents? Or When I was Puerto Rican? Or Dreaming in Cuban? Or if you just needed a woman of color, what about Breath, Eyes, Memory? New York's literary community is as rich and diverse as the city itself, and although I would never argue the appeal and greatness of a Gatsby or a Tiffany痴, why not use this opportunity to showcase some more diverse talents?

Now, I don't want to sound entirely down on this project, because I'm all for getting people to read more. And the Times will also be sponsoring readings and panels through the summer as part of a larger initiative. But seriously, New York Times Community Affairs Department, give me a call next time you're going to plan something like this. I知 right around the corner and my consulting fees are very reasonable.