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March 23, 2003


So the Oscars. Intrepidly, (for

So the Oscars. Intrepidly, (for those of you who weren't keeping track) I brought them to you in progress.

Now, it's all over, and everybody's happy. Except Scorcese, I guess, who didn't win anything. Good night, world.

  • They're about to give Chicago the Best Picture, right? Yep. Celebrate the inevitable! Celebrate the mediocre!
  • Look, they trotted out ole Kirk Douglas again. Wow, Hollywood is so compassionate.
  • No way did I think Roman Polanski was going to win. No way. Too bad he raped that girl.
  • Pedro Almodovar wins for screenplay! Wow, another big surprise, and he even squeezed in a mild pro-peace speech.
  • The Pianist wins for best adapted. Doesn't it take more talent to do what Charlie Kaufman did? Wasn't his screenplay far more inventive? Yes. But. If the Academy were smarter, I would say that it was the last third of Adaptation which lost him the award. Instead, I have to think it was the first two thirds.
  • Guess whose name comes after the following intro: "...It's one of America's favorite actors!!" Can you guess who it is? That's right, America: your favorite actor (according to the Oscar announcer) is Richard Gere. Give me a break. This reminds me of last year when they announced J Lo as one of America's "most glamorous" actresses. If you have to say it, it isn't true.
  • Wow, they're really going to go through this 59-person roll call of extant Oscar winners. Oh my god, this is the most self-indulgent thing I have ever seen in my life. People, it's a school night. Please. Everything is moving in slow motion. I can't take it anymore! Is this what they're doing to Iraqi POWs? I'll tell you everything...please just make it stop........please just make it stop.......... please just make it stop........... please just make it stop.......... please just make it stop.......... please just make it stop............. please just make it stop.......... please just make it stop...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.......zzzzzzzzz.............. What else is on? Oh, Stargate SG-1? Awesome.
  • So Nicole wins Actress. Had to happen sometime. She can't think of what to say, but she mentions Russell!! That must make his new bride happy. Why isn't anyone preparing any speeches tonight? Why isn't anyone just saying "thank you" tonight? She's offering excuses for coming to the Oscars instead of staying home and watching CNN. Blah, blah, blah, ramble, ramble, ramble. Is there any more ice cream in the freezer?
  • Hurray for Eminem and his slacker buddy who forgot to get dressed up. I guess this means he won't be singing tonight. Oh well.
  • Adrien Brody -- from happy to sad in just a few long minutes. Now, strike up the band! Congratulations, Adrien. Go make some bad movies.
  • Lots of famous people in the Dead People Montage this year. Usually you've never heard of 1/2 of them, or it's people who you thought died 20 years ago. This year, it's biggies: Rosemary Clooney, James Coburn, Milton Berle, Billy Wilder, etc. Ok, I thought Billy Wilder was already dead, too. [Oh -- Steve just made a similar joke. "Next year, we'll have a montage for people you think are dead but aren't."]
  • No anti-war speech from Susan Sarandon. Maybe the boos for MM intimidated her?
  • Conrad Hall won for cinematography, even though he's dead. At least we won't have to sit through a long and tiresome speech like we had to when he won for American Beauty.
  • God bless Michael Moore! God bless freedom of speech! God bless America!! MM just got booed as he nervously attacked our Prez as "fictitious". Probably the fastest transition in public speaking history from standing ovation to boos. Here's an mp3 of his speech [338 kb].
  • When was the last time you laughed during the host's opening monologue? Steve Martin is automatically funny.
  • Amy wants to know, Is Eminem there? Unless it's a surprise, I don't think so.
  • Didn't you get the impression that J Lo's appearance was treated with less fanfare than usual? Maybe she's dressing more conservatively b/c she's afraid of Lil' Kim.
  • Hurray for Catherine and Latifah getting up there and singing live. Amy has more on that.
  • WHAT WAS WITH THAT MICKEY MOUSE BULLSHIT. Oh that shameless ABC self-promotion was horrifying, out of place, clumsy, and bad. Shame on you Jennifer Garner.
  • Hey Sean Connery, how come you stole your tux from Mickey Mouse? [Steve says, "He's wearing 'Red Lobster'"]
  • This whole evening is even more ignorantly self-congratulatory than ever. All these movies suck.
  • It hasn't turned into a night for activist actors yet -- maybe because of all the canned patriotic montages. Do they get more meaningful if you keep repeating them? Must be.
  • It's Caetano Veloso! It's Caetano Veloso! Singing in English, which some people don't like as much.
  • The first celebrity to advocate peace at the Oscars? Frida Kahlo, as channeled by the star of Y Tu Mama Tambien. Doesn't matter that she's long dead...Salma cheers on wildly.
  • Hilary Swank is starting to look like Julia Roberts.

posted by adm at 9:43 PM | #


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