Amy's Robot

While I Was Sleeping: Joe Millionaire recap

Here is one thing I didn't expect from tonight's episode of Joe Millionaire, International Edition: It was boring as hell. No wonder no one is watching it. Basically, NOTHING HAPPENED, and whatever did happen wasn't even funny. I think the producers of the show realized how screwed they were, so there was just an unbelievable amount of filler in the ep. The entire first six minutes of the show was a recap of what's happened so far and it even included footage from last season. It's a bad sign if not enough interesting stuff has happened that the producers are already relying on their viewers' nostalgia for Evan and the soft-porn stars.

Once the highlight reel ended and the episode actually started, it was mostly about the "ball" at the villa. All the fourteen girls attended and we saw some footage of them putting on fancy dresses and getting made-up and talking about how excited they were and how much hotter they were than the other girls, but nothing particularly funny: the best they had was one girl making fun of another girl's mustard-yellow dress. And poor old Cowboy Dave. THEY DIDN'T EVEN DRESS HIM IN A FULL TUXEDO. So he goes to the "ball" wearing an open-to-the-chest-hair tuxedo shirt and a non-descript black jacket and he looks more out of place than Woody Harrelson meeting Kelly's family on Cheers. And so instead having lots of clips of Dan having hilarious fish-out-of-water conversations with all the euro-hotties, we get an interminable sequence of his introducing himself to every single one of the girls AGAIN and he asks every single one, "Where are you from?" and they politely answer him WHILE SUBTITLES TELL US EXACTLY WHERE THEY'RE FROM. And half of them oblige by repeatedly asking, "Where's your horse?" Actual transcript: "Where are you from?" "Prague. Where's your horse?" "Where are you from?" "Prague. Where's your horse?" "Where are you from?" "Prague. Where's your horse?" "Where are you from?" "Prague. Where's your horse?" "Where are you from?" "Prague. Where's your horse?" "Where are you from?" "Prague. Where's your horse?" "Where are you from?" "Prague. Where's your horse?" "Where are you from?" "Prague. Where's your horse?" and so on until everbody falls over and dies and gets defibrillated just in time for the return from commercial. It was like watching a video of people making ATM transactions.

As that finally ends, we watch Joe do a lame pre-arranged "waltz" with each of the girls. Why not dim the lights and have some slow dances, guys? I guess because that would be too interesting. And then, just as everybody is getting drunk on vodka and champagne and there are hints of forthcoming excitement (but before Dave can even begin to distinguish the Czechs from the Dutch), the butler whisks Dave away to decide whom to eliminate. Apparently, not entirely sure what he is doing, he kiboshes an ice queen and the two darkest skinned girls in the bunch, whose reactions range from the Swedish word for "Whatever" to "Unfortunately, now I'm not part of a group." Nobody likes to be a loser, apparently, even Eurotrash.

Tuesday night's episode will feature group dates, so maybe some sparks will fly. If not, like everyone else, I'll have to tune out til next year, when (presumably) FOX, in an effort to find a handful of girls who aren't in on the joke, will set out to trick The Japanese (they're so wacky, right, Sofia?) Or maybe, next year's Joe will find himself seducing the !Kung San people of Eastern Namibia. (Handsome Fraudulent Cowboy: "I don't know how to tell you this (click!), but I don't really have $80 million (click!) dollars." San woman: "That's okay! (Click!) At least we have this lactating goat." Handsome Fraudulent Cowboy: "Wait, you only love me for my lactating goat? I'm outta here.")

Anyway, here's Amy's recap of last week's episode, which was a little funnier.

categories: TV
posted by adm at 10:59 PM | #