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November 19, 2003


The Pre-Laura Bachelor Mini-Recap [updated]

kelly jo

Laura will weigh in when she gets a minute [update: Laura is working on several nights without sleep, but is staying up even longer to bang out that recap...so just hang in there. -adm], but in the meantime:

We was robbed! Bob chose Estella?! CRAP. I called my bookie halfway through and put a yard down on Kelly Jo. I thought it was a sure thing! How can you deny that chemistry? All Bob could talk about was how great she was, and then he/ABC pulls the old switcheroo on Kelly Jo and us AGAIN (just like The Bachelorette last year! Will we never learn?) and we are left WITH NOTHING, and Estella is left with THE RING -- albeit on her right hand, which apparently in some cultures signifies (according to Bob) "a promise." A promise that I'm going to sleep with you as often as possible until I decide whether I want to move that ring over to your other hand, that is.

Kelly Jo says she wants someone to give her as much love as she can give him? KJ, I'm your man! I have so much love to give, and I will slurp your lips by the fireside repeatedly until you love me back. What? You have to be the center of attention everywhere you go and my mom doesn't really like you either? What's that? You only like reading romance novels? What? You wear a sexy-but-weird metal clip across your boobs on the biggest day of your life? Um, well, you know what, um, on second thought, I take it all back. I guess I would have chosen Estella, too. -adm

Because I was so easily duped last year when Trista chose Ryan, after careful editing and blatant suggestion led me to think she'd pick that other, greasier guy, I didn't have high hopes for poor little K.J. However, I have a theory as to why Bob picked the squeaky-voiced, pretend-sophisticated, manipulative, and crinkly Estella. I haven't seen any footage of Bob's first wife, but I bet she was a lot like Kelly Jo. You know, cute, Midwestern, perky, not too bright, with maybe some undercurrents of overbearingness. This really is the ideal type for a guy like Bob. Someone who will be sweet and cuddly, and not give him a very hard time. But given that the first wife didn't work out, I bet he went for Estella because she is the opposite of her: nervous, openly needy to the point of being cloying and demanding, whiny, and bony. I don't think he stands a chance against a woman like that. Anyway, I'm glad this show is over, so that my boyfriend no longer has to hide in the bathroom on Wednesday nights to escape the horrors of Bob talking about his interior, emotional life. -amy

categories: TV
posted by adm at 11:29 PM | #


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