Amy's Robot

Amy's Robot Ready Kit

In These Uncertain Times™, it's important to Be Vigilant™, otherwise The Terrorists Will Win™. That's why, as a public service, your friends here at Amy's Robot have put together a list of things you should include in your Ready Kit™. A Ready Kit, as Gilbert Gottfried will tell you, is a duffel bag full of stuff you'll need in case either (a) the world blows up, or (b) you get shipped off to a farm in Arkansas for 6 weeks and you can't use your mom's charge account. So here you go:

• Paul Newman Mango Salsa (3 jars)
• Graphic home movie of you having sex with a robot. If the machines have taken over, you'll need some leverage, like that guy in the first Die Hard movie.
• Alanis Morissette's home phone number. You might need to crash for a night or two.
• Portable TV so you don't miss Fox's Tuesday night lineup. Watch Kiefer save imaginary world, while you barely hang on in real one.
• 6 bottles of Vanilla Coke (standard) or Tazo Tea's "Simply Red" juice (luxury)
• Last year's air-brushed trucker hats refashioned into foam-and-mesh air-purifying devices. If things get really bad and they're declared fashionably illegal, you can still sell them for a premium at SoHo boutiques.
• Tasti-D-Lite (2 quarts). Doesn't matter what flavor: it all tastes vaguely like coconut anyway.
• Cell-phone camera. If the world is ending around you, you have a right -- NO, a DUTY! -- to blog it so your friends can see, too. Make sure you peck out some witty or self-important commentary on your keypad, too. (Sample entry: "So today the world is ending...AGAIN. But I took Peaches to the vet anyway. She's been spitting up her Iams so I switched back to Eukanuba. Anyway, I'm going to see The Triplets of Belleville tonight, assuming Sunshine is still there.")
• A rat...You know, for currency.

categories: Politics, War and Security
posted by adm at 11:55 AM | #