September 28, 2005
A Woman Will Be President? Madness!
With the new fall tv season well underway, I want to bring your attention to my favorite new science fiction show, Geena Davis is the President. What a refreshing glimpse into what the White House would look like under a female President!
As it turns out, when A Woman Will Be President, it means that:
1) Everyone who works for the government is black, a woman, or Donald Sutherland!
2) Computers haven't been invented, so Communications Directors write speeches in longhand on yellow legal pads!
3) "If Moses was a woman, he/she would have asked for directions!" It's funny because it's true!
4) If you're White House support staff, it's totally ok to tell the President to her face that working for her would make you feel "cheap"!
5) You can make menstrual jokes!
6) And "First Lady" jokes about her castrated husband - Hillary Clinton jokes are even funnier!
7) If you are the President's teenage daughter, you can be all "This is stupid!" and refuse to go to her inaugural address - and not have the Secret Service drag you there by your hair!
8) If you are a woman president, your youngest child will probably spill juice on you right before that inaugural address!
9) And no one on your staff will have brought extra clothes for you!
10) And then your teleprompter will go dead in front of the whole world! What kind of incompetent, brainlesss fucking Presidential staff is this anyway? You should fucking fire them, with their faulty teleprompters and no backup shirts and handwriting your speeches! But you probably won't, because you're a woman!
11) If a Nigerian woman is going to be stoned for adultery, you can use the U.S. military to airlift her out of Nigeria and - well - I don't know what happens after that - give her a job cleaning the White House toilets? Why not? You're fucking Commander in Chief, you can do whatever the fuck you want!
Make sure you tune in next Tuesday, when the First Daughter's diary is stolen! No, really. One can only imagine: "OMG my mom is soooo stupid. I can't believe I had to go to her inauguration instead of watching Laguna Beach. I wish Pat Buchanan was President."
In the meantime, even though Geena Davis is the President takes place before the invention of computers or online diaries, you can always check in on the "President Mackenzie Allen Watch" blog.
Donald Sutherland, you should be ashamed of yourself.
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